MeanPromQueen

Switchin' with the Bitches

2006-02-05T09:39:00.000-05:00

Switchin' with the Bitches
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Mouths open, loves it

I Can Breathe For the First Time

2006-02-05T09:34:00.000-05:00

Reeeeeeeeeee!
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

We are at Ibiza, and I think Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" came on, which is the CLUB ANTHEM around there...of course, at 3am, Kelly Clarkson is your hero, you defend her as the one and only and the best American Idol...then continue singing at the top of your lungs.

HAPPY NEW YEARS

2006-02-04T16:14:00.000-05:00

Gee, your string tastes terrific

2006-02-04T16:12:00.000-05:00

Gee, your string tastes terrific
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Party Jag has a nice ass. When I reviewed my pics the next day, this one...surprised me a little.

Someone needs to go home

2006-02-04T16:11:00.000-05:00

Someone needs to go home
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

If I could have an accent in this pose, it would be British, and I would say something like, " Rock On", and then I would get out of the limo and fall, then scream, "Oh, bloody hell!"

Bloomers

2006-02-04T16:10:00.000-05:00

Bloomers
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

So I guess I liked this song and wanted to show my bloomers for appreciation.

Christmas Day

2006-02-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

I had this unbeleivable tooth pain on Christmas Eve, so we left my uncle's house a little early. My mom, dad and my other uncle went home. As we were dropping my Uncle Chuck at his house, he asked to wait so he could show me pictures of me and my dog and one of me and him. I sat in the car with PromMom and PromDad waiting and he shows me these 3 pictures. He told me that he would make copies for me because he wanted to keep them. Chucky told everyone goodbye and then he hugged me and told me that he loved me. He shut the door and that was the last time anyone saw my Uncle Chuck alive.

He passed away on Christmas Day.

Before Sunset

2006-02-03T10:19:00.000-05:00

The Thursday before Christmas, PromKing came to town. I hadn't seen him since we had broken up. The day before he came, I was at Blockbuster, and the movie Before Sunset was on the racks beside the check-out. It seemed very out of place, but I picked it up and bought it. That was a movie that he wanted us to watch together last year. He said that there were a lot of quotes in that movie that made him think of our relationship.

A lot of time had passed and I was thrilled to see him. It was really comforting to see how normal it was when we got together. We met at the Post for beers before we had dinner with friends. We chatted and caught up, it was like it used to be. It seemed that a lot of things went full circle that night.

We were with PartyMouse and PartyBunny which were our friends when we started dating. We stayed at my old apartment, and before we went out we stayed in to watch CSI. Watching him walk around the house seemed just like it used to. He napped, I CSI'ed, we got dressed and went out. When we walked down my stairs and onto the street, it seemed like for a moment I stepped back in time. Its common knowledge that I used to be madly in love with this boy. As we were walking to the bar we saw a Special Forces cop car, which PromKing had almost got in trouble for peeling the Special Forces sticker off almost a year ago. It was incredible actually laughing and talking with him, we went to Tango, which is the bar we always went to. He touched me on my back and I hugged him with more emotion than I had hugged anyone in a year. We filled the rest of the night with booze and banter.

Back at the apartment we played our favorite game ever, Truth or Dare. It was a very intense game. There were a lot of questions asked and a lot answered. Not sure if I can even remember them all, it was 6am when we finally rounded up the game. Most of the time we were playing, I just kept looking at him thinking, "God, we used to be crazy about each other". We talked a lot about the past, and talked about things that we thought about each other. We slept in our old bedroom. The next day we left for our hometowns. The most incredible sunset stretched out on the drive home. It was incredible.

The next night, I was watching late night tv, and I started watching Love Actually, because I watched that last year on the same night. Right after that movie went off, Before Sunset came on. Full Circle.

You've left me now
and it's seasoned my soul
And with every step you take,
I watch another part of you go...

I continue to build a wall...
You were so strong,
I fell to my knees...
And I don't think I can handle this at all...

One more night
I'd like to lie and hold you
Yes and feel...
To make you smile,
I'd like to be there for you--
Have you forgotten me?

And the days go by
Doing nothing about them...
How much time
will I have to spend?

My mind won't rest
and I don't sleep
Not even in my dreams...

If you ever did believe,
for my sake...
If you ever did believe....

Sometimes if feels I will be stuck in sentimental prison for the rest of my life.

Christmas Party Season

2005-12-19T13:31:00.000-05:00

Christmas party season is almost over. After 9 successful crashes, with the Island Passage Party being the best crash, I am sad to say that it will all come to an end Wednesday at the Strip Bar. Last night had to have been the best Christmas Party of the year...Unless Wednesday comes on bigger and stronger. The funny thing is, it was were I use to work, and I already marked it off as lame. But they surprised me with people coming out of the woodwork. Somehow they filled up all three floors with everyone dressed in black with two agendas: to get drunk and to get laid. Two weeks of free booze and food and all the people you can make out with. I am almost sad to see it go, however I think I took some years off my life.

What's Your Porn Name

2005-12-16T10:39:00.000-05:00

http://biphome.spray.se/pash/pornalizer/

Party Cats Unite

2005-12-11T23:16:00.000-05:00

Party Cats Unite
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Happy Birthday Jaguar!!! I love you, you are the best roomie on the planet. I love your tits!

Party Cat Prom Pose

2005-12-11T23:12:00.000-05:00

Party Cat Prom Pose
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

It was Jag's birthday (pink dress) and we had to take advantage of boys in blazers and us in dresses. Flash back to Prom 1996. How we got the guys to agree? We promised oral sex.

Dear Jessica,

2005-12-11T22:55:00.000-05:00

I want to thank you for the wonderful weekend in Raleigh. I had such a great time seeing you. Thank you for leaving me in the parking lot for dead, underneath a lamp light so that all the homeless people could see me from the street. I am so glad I was introduced to the Latin Gangbangers of Raleigh. QB wants to thank you for all the shots that were presented at the multi-cultural club that ya'll went to while I was left for dead. Thanks for drugging my boyfriend. Sorry that his dog almost swallowed your dog. I swear they were just playing and the she doesn't usually bite. I want to commend you on your knowledge of the City of Raleigh. Your directions were like I had used Mapquest. Remember if you get off on Yonkers then Rock Quarry, it will take you straight to your house. It was really nice of you tell let QB and I have your bed, but you really didn't have to sleep in your car.

I love being best friends with you.

Stephanie

Pass me the turkey...and a tampon

2005-11-24T23:34:00.000-05:00

Aside from having the worst period of the year, Thanksgiving was a real treat. We actually decided to have dinner in the garage. Oddly enough, it was fun. Then for no reason at all, my Uncle Chuck, set off a stink bomb and tried to blame the smell on Beau. That caused my mom to follow Beau around the garage and inspect his ass. My other uncle got sucked into Grease and tried to recruit different family members to watch with him. There was not enough wine on the table this evening.

I had to hurry up the goodbye's because CSI was coming on. I escape to the upstairs garage to be alone (only child syndrome) only to be followed by my parents. So currently, I am on the couch, mom is sleeping beside me, and my dad is on his laptop making me play NAME THAT CHRISTMAS SONG. But there is another twist to the game, also name the artist that is singing it. These are the first 3 answers

1. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire-Vanessa Williams
2. Sleigh Ride-Jessica Simpson
3. White Christmas-Clay Aiken

I did get number 2 correct. Duh. Oh looky, I am out of wine now...

All you country boys out there....

2005-11-16T23:42:00.000-05:00

The Top FORTY Things You Will NEVER Hear A Southern Boy Say:

40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrestling's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C: drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5. I don't have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. You All.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

And, Number ONE is:

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.

Studio 54 Before

2005-11-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

Studio 54 Before
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

I loved my dress. I loved my dates. They kinda looked like Spy vs. Spy. But they were hot. What happened next, I could only be so lucky to know.

Studio 54 After

2005-11-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

Studio 54 After
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

I think this says it all. Really.

Shaka Zulu

2005-11-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

Shaka Zulu
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Boo won the Halloween contest. You cannot see the rest of his costume, but there are big fur boots, leopard panties, and a train. HAHAHAHA...he was the life of the party. This is my best friend.

Super Heroes

2005-11-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

L1030430
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

We all set out to look for our male counterpart. I was the only one who did not find mine. I was hooked up with the tard doctor and the tard barbarian.

Kiss My Wonder Ass

2005-11-03T14:18:00.000-05:00

L1030437
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

I must have fallen on my wonder ass about 4 times. I was flying all around town not saving a fucking thing. I lost my lasso of truth, and everyone told lies to me.

Math is Fun

2005-10-27T15:00:00.000-05:00

After doing math all day long, this was a sight for sore eyes. If only my job could be this easy...

My friend CC, forwarded this to me.

This is pretty neat how it works out.
This is cool beer math!!!!!!!
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute.......
Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time thing, its fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of days a week that you would like to have a drink. (Try for more than once)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be honest)

3. Add 5. (For Sunday)

4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755.... If you haven't, add 1754 ...

6. Now subtract the four-digit year that you were born.

You should have a three-digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have a drink a week).

The next two numbers are .......

YOUR AGE! ~ (Oh YES, it IS!!!!! )

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

Picture #1

2005-10-25T22:59:00.000-05:00

Being an asian tourist, showing off the scenery
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Please notice the Madonna Lucky Star mesh gloves. This is the first in my series of Asian Tourism in L.A.

Picture #2

2005-10-25T22:58:00.000-05:00

Hey, the bus full of asians tourists finally showed up
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Check out this guy! He starts the whole craze of sitting on the rail. I can still hear those cameras clicking

Picture #3

2005-10-25T22:54:00.000-05:00

Every single Asian had their picture taken on the rail, so I had I did too.
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

I did not want to be the only one with without a rail picture. It shows how I live on the edge. Shuh uuhhhp!

Everything looks fine, but about an hour later...I lost my hearing...then I lost my sight...then I lost consciousness...at a bar...

2005-10-25T22:53:00.000-05:00

Everything looks fine, but about an hour later...I lost my hearing...then I lost my sight...then I lost consciousness...at a bar...
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

One of those weird moments where you are thankful for the people that know you and love you. Apparantly, I did not have enough sugar that day, and I almost had one of those "Shelby from Steel Magnolias" moments. Trotter was there and saw the whole thing, and never left my side. When I ran off from the table because I could not hear, he assessed the situation. How did he know? Why did he follow me? I didn't make a scene, he held me very close until it passed. I passed. Out. He said my eyes were wide open and my body went entirely limp. One of my first out of body experiences. I heard people, I saw myself. Very surreal. That is the significance of the picture, because before all of this happened, I only had two drinks.

I'm gonna break a hip

2005-10-25T15:57:00.000-05:00

Well, just got in another fight with a senior citizen. My hands we full with shopping bags from the weekend as well as my laundry basket and my overnight bag and a coffee cup and trash, and OLD MAN CRANE comes out and tells me to move my car. This would not have been an odd request IF I WAS NEAR HIM! He told me to move and park on the other side of the street where I belong. Just because I live on the other side doesn't mean that is where I have to park. I told him he had about 9 feet between my car and his, and that I was not going to argue, nor move while I have my hands full. He went on about something, but I have had it up to my black hair with trying to please my neighbors. I mean, parking here is like playing a goddamn chess game.

Fucking old people.

Conversation with Berry Dana

2005-10-21T12:23:00.000-05:00

I don't know how I would get through my workday without the chats with this feisty redhead. We literally talk all day, it seems like we work together we chat so often.

MPQ:
http://www.rachaelyamagata.com/
go to listen

Berrydana:
cant get into it

MPQ:
the song should already be playing
but the song I like is the reason why

she is great

Berrydana:
what is this?

MPQ:
a musician

singer

singer and song wroter

writer

writes music

and sings

she sings songs

Berrydana:
okay

okay

I got it

MPQ:
she sings songs that she writes

Berrydana:
she sings! And writes! And plays!

MPQ:
the songs that she writes, she sings them
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Berrydana:
LOL
stop it
you are a regular Rain Man

and this goes on all day long.

The Unknown Show

2005-10-19T23:51:00.000-05:00

This summer, while eating hangover lunch with the Party Cats, one of our favorite bands were coming to the HOB. I knew I was already moving here, and HOB, is about halfway bewtween the my old Port City and my new Port City. So we planned and planned and met up last Tuesday. Well since the band was headlining, we decided to stop off and the restaurant beside the venue. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the armpit of South Carolina, we are in Myrtle Beach and we are eating at Dick's. Yes, I said it. And we ate there. The whole them of the restaurant in that the staff are assholes, hence the name, Dick's.

The server was very good, because we started off with margaritas that came in a margarita shaker that WE GOT TO TAKE HOME. AFTER WE ORDERED, these drinks we are looking at our shakers shaking our own margaritas with shakers that say, "If you shake it more than twice, your just playing with it." We took them home so that everyone can know that we went to Myrtle Beach, ate at Dick's, and was suckered into the souviner Margarita Shaker. Assholes.

We went to HOB, and heard the band playing. Wait, they can't be in now, it's 9:15! We walk in and no one was on stage. Whew. We get can beers and sit around and bullshit. We start talking to a guy and come to find out the band we wanted to see ALREADY PLAYED. WAIT. WHAT. They are headlining, I see it on the ticket, why did they already play? We are devastated, then the real headliners come on. Not so sad anymore, becuase the 2 hottest men alive are onstage.

The was rocking so hard he split his pants and sang two songs with his balls hanging out. Yes, with his balls hanging out. When he finally realized it, the rest of the audience had already caught on. They made a minor deal about it, but it was a major sight to see.

Party Cats Unite was a success, even though we will never know how awesome it was to see the band we really came to see. The unknown show.

Charlie (Friday Night Part II)

2005-10-10T21:40:00.000-05:00

I met Charlie my first weekend in the Old Port City. He was wearing the standard attire around here. Khaki shorts, flip flops, polo shirt, and yes, aaaaah yes. The Visor. We are with the Captain and Cutie and various people, and then here comes Charlie. I thought he was one of my roomies friends. So he is all over me, a little too forward if you ask me. That is saying a lot, seeing as though I am one of the most forward people I know.

Onward. I end up literally running away from Charlie down Broad St. Four nights later, Party Lion goes out to the same bar and sees Charlie. He does not remember that we were friends and that they met a couple nights ago. He proceeds to be forward with her too. She ends up running out of the bar and down the street with him screaming, "Don't you know who I am?"

On Friday night, Charlie was up to no good, talking to a table of chics. He was talking loud and sounding cool, the way you think a guy that would wear a visor at a bar would sound. He calls the Captain the next morning from an apartment from one of those girls the next day. He says that he came home with one of them, had sex, woke up and she was not there. He tries to leave, and finds himself locked in the house. He was locked in a house that has a door like mine, a double key lock. The only way to get in and out is with a key. He calls in a panic and has a butter knife in his hand on the phone trying to pry the painted shut window of the apartment open. There is nothing but laughter coming from the other side of the phone. Minutes later he calls them back saying that he is running down the street to the parking garage with his boxers in his hand.

That is Charlie.

Is that...My Boss? (Friday Night Part I)

2005-10-10T21:02:00.000-05:00

Friday night, we are on the way to have sushi, the Greek comes into town. He had a job in Florida and stopped by to wet his whistle in the Old Port City! We have been broken up for about 10 months now, and we still have a ball. We all go eat Sushi at Wasabi. Wasabi has the worst service. On a previous time, we tell the server, we wanted to have dinner, and then she asks us if we are eating dinner. What? We also order Stoli O's and Sodas, then she says that they don't carry that, but they do have Citron. I say, Oh goodie! Citron tastes just like orange. Then we ask for a Mandarin and soda...She says okay and walks away confused.

Back to last Friday, we get started on sake, I don't want to quit drinking sake EVER. We have a tight schedule to tend to. Bar, bar, then another bar. I proceed to drink and drop bombs in public bathrooms. Around 1am, we take our sloppy asses to Trio, where we are the blind leading the blind leading the stupid. Out of nowhere, we get blind-sided BY OUR BOSS. My roommate and I eat, drink, shit, work, and sleep together...And there was our BOSS shitcanned with some beautiful girl. The funny thing about our boss, is that Party Lion and myself were hired while at a bar. Hard to believe, but true. We fucking bring the house down. Between my roommate and my boss, they knew everyone in the bar, Then there I was with the Greek drinking like fish laughing our asses off.

Here come little, Mary Kate Sarah Margaret Michelle something or other. Fucking guppie swimming in a sea of shark infested water. She was introduced to me and I go straight for the tits. I do the grab and wiggle. She laughs and starts to walk away, I take a 2 hop jump and slap her ass. My god, the horror that came across her face. But that wasn't enough, I couldn't help myself, I wanted more. I shout profanity and what not about putting on a strap on and fucking her senseless. The back bar is in hysterics, and we celebrate the molestation with shots...I remember the bouncer telling us to move to the front and then i t g o t a l i t t l e b l u r r y.

I though we were going back to the company boat to late night, not so much. I woke up in my bed naked, under the covers with the Greek fully clothed on top of the covers. What a gentleman through and through.

My Week Off

2005-10-03T21:03:00.000-05:00

Now that everything has settled, the move is complete, the house is functioning, and the growing pains of being the new girl at work has worn off...I blew it out this past weekend. When I mean blew it out, I mean it ended with my roommate and I streaking down our hood in the rain! We brought the party back the The Pig (our apartment), played dress up, name that video, charades, drank uncontrollably, and lost track of what was right and wrong. We took tons of pictures, but we still can't bear the thought of looking at them. Not sure if it is because we don't want to remember or just plain overwhelming embarrassment.

Therefore, after being in the worst condition possible on Sunday, I came to this conclusion: I am taking a week off.

Wish Me Luck,

Party Panther Out

HOW STINKING CUTE

2005-09-30T16:03:00.000-05:00

HOW STINKING CUTE
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

I love my dogs like I love my men, dark with blue eyes. I love him and Warrick Brown.

Our First Road Trip

2005-09-30T15:44:00.000-05:00

The roommate and I take off to my old Port City to pick up my new pup. Not sure the events, because I drank too much. But I know these things happened, and in no particular order.

1. Drank Alcohol
2. Cussed out TDH
3. Kissed TDH
4. Fell
5. Booze Cruise to Figure 8
6. Passed out fully clothed with icing on my face and sheets.
7. Fell
8. Extremely hungover
9. Broke my toe
10. Had hard sex with QB, (the bleeding and bruising as stopped)
11. Got Bo Biscuits (the dog)
12. Made faces at the Step Sisters
13. Dinner
14. Evolution #9
15. Hung out with Party Bunny and Party Mouse ( Happy Anniversary)
16. Lost my roomie (Party Lion)
17. Threatened to throw my shoes at people
18. Cut-up with Boo
19. Pissed off QB
20. Called about 15 people fags and queers (only Boo laughed)

We made it back to the new Port City by 12am, smelling like my puppy.

Who am I? Who are we?

2005-09-30T15:21:00.000-05:00

Who am I? Who are we?
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

How much alcohol does it take to get to this point, and why do I look like the Spawn of Satan?

My Birthday

2005-09-30T15:06:00.000-05:00

Obviously, we started out drunk. We went here, then there, getting drunker by the hour. It was a Tuesday, I think. Something about a hurricane was coming, but we are all out anyway. I should have wrote this the day after, because I have lost all the details. I was wearing black, and new fantastic shoes...And who knows, who cares. OH, my birthday dress was this Shoshanna something and that along with everything I own was still in a warehouse in Atlanta. Therefore, after I got off work, I thought I would hit the shops, or Saks...NOPE. They all closed by the time I drug my ass out of work. I was screwed. So, my only option was to go to the mall. So yes, I walk out of the juniors section and got a left over prom dress from the sale rack. I know, more than tacky. Onward. Everything was going along swimmingly...Then we went to this shit hole bar where all the college kids go. Feeling too good for that level of immaturity, I scoff at the stinky bar, but get dragged in. Okay, so there I was drunk n' smug, if you know me...You know the face. My friends and I get picked up immediately by Fuck1 and Fuck2. Fuck1 was taller than I was and very good looking. Fuck2 was less than fabulous and Party Pussycat was taking one for the team and talking to him while I sunk my claws in Fuck1. Come to find out, we were sharing and celebrating the same birthday! Well that sent us into a lust of fire. WE WERE MEANT TO BE!

As the night progresses, the more we fall in love...We dance...We take shots...We decide to go back to the house and play beer pong. What a way to turn 27, to share it with college boys? Blah. So beer pong, onward, I say. As the cars disperse, I find myself without my friends? Did they leave me? Where the hell am I? I dial Party Pussycat's number, and then the worst thing happened. MY PHONE DIED. I spent half the night talking to QB, because before I fell in love with Fuck1, I was loving some QB...

Anyways, so this house we go back to is amazing, huge beautiful mansion in the middle of downtown. This place must have had 9 rooms, because I walked through maybe 3 living rooms. Including the ever famous "smoke room" that all college houses must have. There was no dinner table, just the ping pong table. Random ass people half-naked were running all around, it was like a movie. So, we go upstairs, to his room. I mean, seriously, did I leave my brains at home? I go to the bathroom, and I come out and see Fuck1 naked trying to get himself HARD. Are you fucking kidding me? He starts to make out with me and then asks me to "just put my lips on it." After I threw up a little bit in my mouth, I laughed. And laughed. Then...

I GET KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE I WOULDN'T SUCK HIS DICK.
SO THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE OF MY BIRTHDAY STORY...

PUT OUT, OR GET OUT, BITCH

Season Premiere

2005-09-23T09:19:00.000-05:00

So what I have been waiting for finally aired. the new season of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. The reason why I live for Thursdays is because of this show. Well, it was to my surprise and my dissapointment that Warrick Brown got married. MARRIED to some tramp named Tina. I mean who the FUCK is this TINA trash? I am broken hearted. I shall plan a way to kill her off the show.

I know we're cool...

2005-09-22T09:55:00.000-05:00

So after months and months of not being able to talk to the PromKing, I decide that I was ready last night. We have talked a couple times, which was great and exciting, but we kinda lost touch. For almost 2 weeks, my roomie and I have been listening to a cd that he made for me. She doesn't know the significance of that cd, nor will I explain it. So here I am hearing his words through these songs, feeling closer to him than I have in ages. You see, when he broke up with me, I couldn't deal. I couldn't speak to him,correspond with him, much less get out of bed. Well, that passed, and I am fine, though I always say that I will never be able to see him in person. Pictures, music, things of the past, I am fine with...Face to face?

So I get an incredible urge to contact him, and text him. To my surprise he texted back, saying he would call tomorrow. Pushing my luck, I am literally begging him to call tonight. HE DID! Wouldn't you know, my phone was nearly dead. It cuts off on us maybe 4 times. So he calls me back, I call him back...You get the picture. Well, my phone cut off for the last time, and I couldn't get a hold of him, not even to say goodbye or goodnight. This saddens me, once again...Can I get a little closure? Geez.

So, as I sit on the couch wondering how many times I can call (I possibly called 3 more times, gah! ) to see if he picks up without being too desperate and annoying, I begin to remember and think. Think about how hard I fell for him, and how much I loved him and how exhausting it was to love him. The kind of love where you want to hang on, and never let go, but you always fear the moments won't-last-kind-of-love. I mean, I hated going to bed because I didn't want to be without him. I remembered everything from the secret encounters, to actually moving heaven and hell to finally be together. True, we didn't last, but we damn well did the thing! As I was talking to him, I could tell it wasn't the same, I felt he wasn't interested in talking to me. I got the feeling that we were not and cannot and will not be friends, though I know we will be connected because for a short time, our hearts were beating together. A voice that used to be so familiar and so exhilarating, was so distant and far gone. Has all the love been forgotten or lost?

I mean, I don't think anything was left...On either side. TIME HAS PASSED, and in that short time, we drifted worlds a part. Funny how love works. We've been done for a while, but not until last night, did I feel done. Duh duh duh done. He is in town this weekend, and if I do run into him, let's hope I don't pass out. Or throw up. Or drink myself to oblivion.

Though, there is something inside of me that will always keep what we had in a special locked vault. So that as long as I live, and what other loves will pass...That I will always remember us. That love that turned my world upside down, that brief but amazing time. Those nights that seemed to last forever. I almost don't know the PromKing now, but I do know this. I want to remember him as being the guy that wanted forever with me, that wanted me to love him always. I never want that to change, and that is how I always want to keep him.

To this day, I still have some of our first texts locked in my phone. I guess this means it is time to delete them. Call me goofy, insane, sentimental, a hopeless romantic. I will call it the end of all my fruitless searches.

I will now fantasize about jumping off the Cooper River Bridge.

Cool

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new
girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

That's Tacky

2005-09-22T08:26:00.000-05:00

I was staying at Michelle's place for a couple days until my furniture decided to arrive at the new shithole (my apartment). I was staying in watching my usual CSI, and Michelle decided to go out. At the time, I was feeling quite under the weather with acute sinusitis. Since I had a little downtime, I decided to blog. One of Michelle's roommates was watching CSI with me, as I was writing she says, "Oh you have a blog?" Some of my friends use the same blog site. I tell her that yes, it is mostly about me and stories about my friends and our fucked up moments in life. I tell her that it is great to have for your friends that you don't talk to all the time, because they can still catch up on what is going on with me.

THE NEXT MORNING...I get a call from Michelle saying to call her back immediately. Wow, I find this odd, immediately? So I call immediately back 2 hours later. She tells me that her roommate looked up my blog and read it and that she called their other roommate and they were furious with me. They were mad that I had wrote about Michelle and that I was talking so much shit about her and that I was not a good friend and that I did not appreciate her friendship...She then proceeds to read my last entry to Michelle. In this entry, I totally rip on her, but that is the very nature of our relationship. We've been that way since we met in college almost 9 years ago. She is that type of friend that I have history with, we have been through thick and thin and many a college nights together. But it never fails, when I fuck up, she says, "Hey, you fuck-up, what is wrong with you?" And when she gives me good material like her obsession with Latin men or when she tells people she is from Puerto Rico...I mean, she leaves me no choice!

But the big picture is that her roommate decided to meddle into my life. Read a personal journal of my life, a life that I only decide to share with people I know and various pals in Scotland, England and wherever. Seriously, what was she looking for, what was she trying to find out? If she wanted the blog address, I would have given it to her. Granted, I don't lead a life very tame, it is wide open. From sex to drinking to fighting and making an absolute fuck of my life. But you know what, it is mine and anyone who knows me, gets it. But there I was, feeling violated, even though I know people read my blog. But the tacky ass way she "looked up" and "read" my site, I felt exposed, it was a weird feeling.

Come to find out, she is a huge Christian. Funny how the religious ones are the most judgemental and deceitful. The other things that she said I will not discuss, far too fucking bitchy. But can you imagine a bible beater reading my blog? She probably shit her granny panties. If I ever see her again, not only will I call her a fucking bitch, but also a judgemental cunt. Ha

It is one thing to meddle in ones' journal, but far more severe to meddle in someone's life. Read it and weep, bitch!

Killer Armoire

2005-09-22T06:50:00.000-05:00

I have a huge 8ft, 500 lb. armoire. I love it, though rather large. The movers finally came to Charleston, the last thing they move is the armoire. One guy almost got crushed by it, the other smashed up against a wall. It was scary to watch them try to bring it up the stairs. Anyways, it didn't fit...I had to bribe them to take it to a storage unit, they were just going to leave it outside. I wanted to take a chainsaw to it. Killer armoire can kiss my ass! Along with Michelle's roommate!

Where The Hell Is My Furniture

2005-09-08T19:41:00.000-05:00

Okay it has been 8 days since the pick-up, and my furniture is somewhere in an Atlanta warehouse waiting to be shipped to my new pad. I can only imagine how lonely my things are and what random ass is wearing them. Meanwhile, I am staying with my good friend from college and her roomies. Party Godzilla, we shall call her. She has this new thing for Latino men. All she does is salsa dance, and speak the worst Spanish ever. She has a list a mile long of Cuban, Columbian, Puerto Rican, Spanish and Mexican men she has met at various place while salsa danicng. She talks on the phone to them in this horrible spanish accent which make me double over in laughter at all hours of the night. It sounds kinda like that woman at a Mexican restaurant asking for a specific item not listed on the menu trying her hardest to use what Spanish words she knows in a loud precise manner. Also, I have a mean acute sinus infection. I have been fighting if for days, and I am sure my 3 days bender did not help. Enough was enough and I finally went to the doctor. It is kinda scary when your snot is the color of a Flaming Moe.

3 Day Bender

2005-09-08T19:38:00.000-05:00

Labor Day weekend was my last weekend in Port City, because I was heading to a new Port City. When the movers came and packed up all my stuff, the only thing I had not packed was a load of black clothes that I accidentally left in the dryer. Ended up being a blessing in disguise because my furniture has still not found its way to my new apartment. So for the remainder of the weekend, I was limited to my gothic chic attire.

On Friday Night Everything is Alright we started off with a seafood feast and the Greek Ex’s house. Fucking raging. We came downtown pushing about 15 deep. I was with the Party Cheetah, because we had to make our rounds. By the time we made it back to Sidebizzle, I was talking alien speak. At this point, I had lost Cheetah and the rest of the cats and I was wandering alone. I walk back to my old bar, and find whoever have shots and then go downstairs. I fell. Down. Sideways. I had the wicked boots on, and the floors were freshly washed and I took a baseball slide into the wall on the second floor. I was alone, but the people downstairs still heard me. I felt no pain, for I had an invisible force field around me that protected me from the elements.

By the time I made it BACK to the Sidebizzle. (which, no one noticed I even left) I go the bathroom. I take a step out of the bathroom on a freshly washed floor and I fucking fell on the same damn hip. Not so much a slide this time. My feet and legs went sideways and my ass went straight down. I mean, do I need a fucking Panther Helmet?

The next day as I am lying in bed while it is fucking beautiful outside, I contemplate my health and my ability to go out with my other married couple friends, Party Mouse and Party Bunny. I make it out. We rage all fucking night, had a blast. Got them a cab, Party Mouse was wasted mission accomplished. I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning with the Party Cats. It was to the point where the sun was coming up and all or wordsh had shs’s at the middle and end. Sho I says, Why are wesh shtill drinking desh beersh?

The next day as I am lying in bed while it is fucking beautiful outside, I contemplate my health and my ability to go out to the Breakfast Club. Drama Queen calls me and tells me to put on my eighties attire and start pre partying. I get to her house with a side ponytail, a purple sweater dress, ankle boots, and a big ass belt. Drama Queen had on a rocker shirt and hot pink shoes, and a jean skirt. Our friend the Beast was rocking acid wash jeans, an off the shoulder sweater and a side pony tail. It was great. I pick up QB (my new guy) and go to the Breakfast Club. Drinking more alcohol than I have business putting in my mouth. We are dancing and singing, or jumping up and down and yelling and the crowd starts to get overwhelming. The 80’s coverband is getting out of hand. Two underage bitches pull up beside us and take Drama Queen’s spot. The last time I was there Drama Queen almost got in a fight and she was heading for another one that night. So they start lightly pushing each other trying to regain position. I am behind Drama Queen 100% just bouncing my side ponytail. She starts to get irritated and the angrier she is the funnier I think it is, and the harder my ponytail waves. QB valiantly brings all of us beer so we don’t lose our spots, and he keeps my dress pulled down because I was cheekin’ kinda bad. Right in the middle of “Shot Through the Heart”, Drama grabs the underage girl and tells her” If you don’t fucking move outta my way, I’m gonna punch you in the fucking face!” I think this is hysterical and I can’t stop laughing, QB is in a state of shock, but who cares. The Beast comes back and gets in the middle to see what the fuss is all about. So here is the mental picture. Drama Queen is in the middle cussing the girl out talking to her like she is nothing and the Beast and I are on either side with our side ponytails looking like Jem and the Holograms about to beat some ass. HAHAHAHA, We grow bored and rock on. QB and I leave early listen to loud music and drive around the Port City with the windows down. Such a high, because he drives fast,

Later that night, I got laid by my first penis piercing. My hip and arm was not the only thing bruised that weekend.

Games With the Boxes

2005-09-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

Somehow I have accumulated a shit ton of stuff. Through the exes, right place at the right time, roomates, and just plain shopping, my apartment is filled from head to toe with STUFF. While I was waiting for the movers to come, they gave me specific rules on how to pack. I ended up with a house full of boxes. Everything but my furniture and wall hangings were in boxes. This means even my laundry baskets and suitcases were in boxes. Gill Grissom is hot. So anyways, these are the games we got to play:

The Fort
Musical Boxes
Hide and Box Seek
Chutes and Boxes
Duck Duck Box
Strip Boxer

Panther is Pathetic

2005-08-28T14:22:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I need to erase the number. I need to hand someone my phone when I think it is a good idea to text or call TDH. Or at least hide it. Then leave me a list of clues to find it that cannot be deciphered when I am drunk, but easily followed when I am sober. Like riddles maybe. Moving forward. I mean why do I love calling or texting only to be followed with no repsonse. Does that make me feel good, no. It makes me want to walk up to the Cape Fear Bridge and jump. So here is the song I will be singing on the way to the bridge. I am not as pathetic as I seem, I just like being dramatic, especially right before my departure. Ha.

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

Cat Credit Card Fiasco

2005-08-27T11:49:00.000-05:00

We had a Party Cats Unite on Thursday. Thursday was the most beautiful day of the year. The weather and the energy was unbelievable, it was in the air. Who knows were the night took us, who cares. Ended with a late night at my house, about 15 or so downtownies and the birthday boy.

The next day, Cheetah comes over in panic because her license and her credit cards were missing. We have a mild search, because it was close to impossible to retrace our steps and to timeline the happenings of last night. She leaves, gets me to thinking, we did have people over...Maybe, so I check my wallet. One of my credit cards was missing. Oh shit.

Cheetah and I get together and walk to various bars, to see if we left them there, but we closed all our tabs out. We start to make a usual suspects list, but we refuse to believe anybody would steal from us. No luck. So we come home, check out activity, and there were no new transactions, which is a good sign. While Cheetah is online, I find my card behind my license. I haven't told her yet, because I know misery loves company.

Conversation With Berrydana

2005-08-25T20:12:00.000-05:00

A little background on this. We always kid about her friend Dot and my new Ex. There is a certain picture of TD&H, that makes him look like he is pushing 40, when he is actually my age. So we crack old jokes. Dot is really Dorothy and she is yet another one of the 10,000 people that move to LA to become an actress. Here's our convo:

MPQ:
Sleeping alone, not by choice

Berrydana:
oh...cant be answered
no answer was expected
is kit talking old to you?
okay
no more patience

MPQ:
sorry
this is rhetorical
auto:reply

hahaha
okay
kit
and i are not speaking
we are not good
bad
fight
over

Berrydana:
really
what happened

MPQ
can't do it anymore

Berrydana:

he cant?
you cant?

MPQ:
nope
he can't give me what i want
i can't

Berrydana:
gotcha

MPQ:
i can't be who he wants me to be
i don't have the patience or much heart left
i don't want to be confused about him
or hurt
trust me i am torn and i am hurt
i want to call him
i do
but i am done leading this fucking dance

Berrydana:
and you are moving to a new town that you are about to paint ipod!
and apple
and digital camera
i am sure
i am sorry for the old jokes
but it was funny
did you ever check that ID?
and its you doing the dance

MPQ:
to the waltz

Berrydana:
he is doing the white mans overbite in the background
wherever him and dot go on the weekends

MPQ:
the Moose Lodge

Berrydana:
yesss that is it

MPQ:
and i am sick of his bingo nights too
you dont win a damn thing
i make him muscilex in the morning

Berrydana:
just that troll...and that was one time!
and i get nothing in return
hahahaha
just some dentures on your bedside table

MPQ:
that troll is the one on my key chain
another notch in my denture case

Berrydana:
hahahaha
nice

MPQ:
rub it for luck

Why I Am On A DIET

2005-08-25T19:58:00.000-05:00

Aside from the fact that I eat anything that is in front of me, the reason that I had to go on a diet is because I cannot fit into my jeans anymore. My zipper would not stay up on the only pair of jeans that I will wear. This causes a problem for me. So I went to a alterations place and tried on the jeans and showed her the problem. She said I need to lose 5 pounds and I would not have that problem anymore! Omigod. I convice her to put a reinforcment clasp on the inside so it will take the pressure off the zipper and then, Voila, zipper problem fixed. After I got my jeans back, apparently I got fatter, because I popped the reinforcement clasp. My jackets started to get tight and none of my pants started to fit. I found myself constantly in my Susanna Monaco's. Bikini was not an option, go ahead and pass me a one-piece. My ass was the size of Jersey, though I have grown fond if it and my new boobs. It was time to melt the pounds. Actually, I am doing to do the J.Lo diet and make everything else shrink but my ass. So far, I have lost 13 pounds. I mean, how is the Party Panther going to get her purr on, if she is too heavy to pounce on her victims?
.

Beau (Bo Biscuits)

2005-08-25T19:22:00.000-05:00

While I was out in LA, I got a jones in my bones to get a Weimaraner. Look at him! I did. I put a deposit on a blue Weimaraner. So stinking cute. I got some pictures today. Go here to see my baby. The blue one, second picture, right hand side. His name is Beau and I get to pick him up September 24th.

The Married Couple

2005-08-25T18:48:00.000-05:00

My friends are in town and they are married. I hate couples. I don't hang out with couples. I don't do activities with couples. Ever. EXCEPT THEM. I can't get enough of hanging out with Crazy and CouldBePromSister. She is not really my sister, but we look so much alike, that when we go out, everyone asks if we are sisters or twins. Out in LA, that is all we got when we went out. So, I don't know what it is with them, but I have a rockin' and rollin' time with them. I never feel like the 3rd wheel and my ribs start to hurt from laughing so hard. I usually have to turn in early, because of all the champagne and white wine that the CouldBePromSister and I drink. For instance, right now there is a bubble blower on the balcony blowing bubbles in the street and in the apartment, and we are on the couch watching CSI, taking vitamins and drinking Budweiser.

My 3rd Break-Up of the Year

2005-08-24T19:03:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows that the Prom King and I broke up, however everyone does not know why. A scab I refuse to pick, even though I did listen to one of his CD's on the way home from C-town and it was all I could do to hurl myself into ongoing traffic. I digress. TD&H and I had the most retarded break-up in history. For the record, this is the last time that I date someone whose dad was the Mayor, whose mom was a pyscho-therapist, whose sister was that smart, gorgeous, and intimidating, who always hung out with the Ugly Step-Sisters, and was clinically depressed. So yes, I loved him and our fucked up relationship. Hell, I didn't even care when he would get mad at me and push me. That was kinda hot. Other than that, when it was just us, it was nice. It was pleasurable, and it was good. We were so called together almost 5 months, right up until we got home. Which is dumb dumb dumb. I mean why stay together the whole goddamn summer only to break-up when we got back. This is the run-down of what happened. One weekend he calls, I have plans with the Party Cats and plans to meet up with him later. He is not sure when, where, or if he is coming downtown. I get a phone call, I had to take it, so I got off the phone with him. He got pissy with me. I go on about my night, I text him as usual. Nothing back. He goes to the Terrace to look for me, but he was a few steps behind, I was already at the Box. I wasn't where I said I was and that was that. I called on Saturday and I guess he was too busy or pissed to call me back. There was a stand-off until he called on last Wednesday. Said he didn't have his phone, he will call me back. No phone call back. Got a text later that FUCKING SUNDAY ( a whole week has gone by) asking "How I was"...some more was said. Then 2 days later, I send a "Does this mean we are done?" And then there was silence. I should have sent a "fuck-off and die." Hahaha. Yeah, so this is my first text break-up ever. Man, I am on a roll. Who's next?

Posts to Come

2005-08-21T20:43:00.000-05:00

I have a couple stories that I have written and they will be up by Wednesday. A couple "who am I stories" and "where am i incidents", being back and forth to Charleston, about my first day on the job ( i threw up ), my recent break-up (you would think I was tired of that by now) , my new puppy and some other goodies.

Welcome Back Party Cat

2005-08-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

After a very needed dinner date, I come home to Party Jag, minutes later in rushes Party Cheetah. My cats! So good to be with them once again. We sharpened our claws and ran out the door. First stop, SIDEBIZZLE! For what was spoda be a quick drink before we went to pick up Party Cougar, turned into 4 drinks and a nice buzz. Once all the Party Cats were together, shots start falling from the ceiling, being sent from across the bar, magically appearing in our hands. Who knows? Who cares?

All of a sudden I found myself in a state of , "Who am I?" We switched off cats back and forth and seperated to go to different bars and see different boys. Cheetah and I skirt over to Blue Post, because TDH was over there. But wait, he's always there. He's so beautiful, and I am so glad that I am actually in his arms, that I can kiss him and hold his hand! I make Cheetah almost want to vomit, but I can't help it. I piss off one of the ugly step sisters, drink and be merry! Then the Party Cats were off again...and that is where it got a little blurry. So I am not going to write anymore because I can't remember anything to write about it.

It was a nice welcome home party, a lot of people I missed and people that missed me. I just wish they would show their love with just hugs, not hugs and shots.

Our Cheers Chant:

We rock like Colorado
You're at it throwin’ bottles
We give a fuck about your status
Who you are tomorrow
Whether you beg or borrow
Or hit the super lotto
Whether your girl look like a minga or a supermodel

My Trip Home

2005-08-10T13:54:00.000-05:00

So after having a long good-bye with LA, it was finally time to take the red-eye home. I had to borrow another suitcase to fit all my shoppings and shoes. Berrydana gave me some souvenirs for the trip home. All the clothing items had Voyeur Productions on it. I wore the black hoodie from LA all the way to ILM. You could totally tell who knew what the shirt meant. (It is the porn company that released the One Night in Paris sex tape. When I went through security, I had to check my laptop and my camera, my ipod and all that good traveling stuff. When I opened my book bag, my porn cd became totally visible to the people in line as well as security. I looked at them like, “What, you’ve never seen a porn star before?”

So as I was boarding the plane looking to see whom I was going to make friends with, I see that the plane is quite full. This does not make for a happy plane ride. I end up sitting between two basketball players. WTF? Did they really have to put the tallest people on the plane in a row? The next 5 hours were pretty painful. It was like a jigsaw puzzle with all our legs everywhere. We would all have to switch and stretch and move around. I got about 20 minutes of sleep. No friggin’ movie, no friggin’ food. I always opt not to fly first class for some stupid reason. My dad works for the airlines so I can always upgrade for $50, and sometimes free depending on the capacity. Next time I fly cross-country I am not flying coach. Ever. Again. When we were getting off the plane, the guys’ shoebox fell on my head. Fucking pair of size 15’s cracked my noggin. Anyways, was now 6am and I was in Philadelphia. TDH and I planned on coming home on the same day, however I was hours behind. Apparently there was a huge storm in Philly last night, because there were delays out the wazoo. It has been years since I was at the Philly airport, and the concourse I needed to go to was F. As I was walking around looking for this mysterious concourse, I somehow lose my boarding pass. Fuck. Amateur Day for airport travel. Finally, I make a couple lefts and some rights, some circles, and it says “SHUTTLE TO F.” Shuttle, I don’t need a flipping’ shuttle. How big can this airport be? Okay, so begin walking and I walk for almost 20 minutes. NOT KIDDING. When it says shuttle, take the goddamn shuttle. Exhausted with my new boarding pass, I pass out on the dirty ass floor and sleep. My layover is extended because of all the delays. It was hell. There I am in the middle of the floor (the airport was packed from cancellations and delays) in my porn hoodie sleeping on my book bag, camera jacked up around me neck, hair up in a busted mess. This guy taps my hand and tells me that I have knocked over my milk while I was sleeping. I wake up and finally register what he was talking about and see that I was sleeping in it. So, my face is wet, ipod is covered in dried up milk, hair matted in milk, my new boarding pass soaking it, hoodie now looks cum stained. What a loser I was.

Finally…16 hours later I arrive at ILM. It was a bit rainy way different from sunny California, but it was nice to be home.

Oh no you didn't

2005-08-05T18:38:00.000-05:00

MPQ: So funny story going to the Baja Fresh today.
Demonicow: Yeah, he he he
Hypocrite: (raised eyebrow)
MPQ: Yeah, so I was trying to get in this parking space and the cable truck took up two spaces...
Demonicow: Yeah, he he he
MPQ: So that asshole left me a small space to get the car (Hypocrite's car) in the spot.
Hypocrite: (concerned look)
MPQ: As I was parallel parking, the asshole put cones around his car making it almost impossible for me to park.
Demonicow: Yeah, he he he
MPQ: So I ran over the cone, I just smashed it and laughed at the cable guy as I was smashing it.
Hypocrite: (not laughing) Uh, okay
MPQ: Oh, but don't worry, it didn't mess up your car. It was a cone. You know what I am talking about? Cone? Orange?
Hypocrite: Yeah, I know what you are talking about, but that is just one of those things you shouldn't tell me about. It's my car...blah blah blah...
MPQ: It's not like I dented it, or hit something bad...not like I hit an OLD LADY!
Demoncow: Who hit an Old Lady?
MPQ: YEAH, YOU HIT AN OLD LADY AND YOU ARE FREAKING ABOUT A CONE?
Demonicow: Now I am intrigued...
Hypocrite: (blushing) At my interview I hit an old lady in the parking garage.
Demonicow: Oh my god, did you knock her down?
Hypocrite: The best thing about it is, her grandson said," Grandma, oh no not again, you gotta stop running out infront of cars!"

Cone or Grandma, you be the judge.

Goodbye Weekend

2005-08-05T17:17:00.000-05:00

I have made the decision to take on Charleston, South Carolina. The stars are just not lined up for me, yet, in California. I have not excluded LA or included LA in my future. All I know is that the next step, especially career-wise is to take THE JOB. It will certainly put me at the next level, and make me more competitve in my field. Wow, I sound so grown up. I am awfully sad that I will not become a resident of Hollywood, but I am so excited to live in a new town.

So this weekend I am blowing it out Party Panther style. Beginning with Princess Jax's birthday ( Happy 25th) at Suite 637. I have already became so settled and so used to my part of the 'hood. I will be saying good-bye to all the people that have made it, people that are getting ready to make it, getting ready to blow up, the people that will never make it, and the people with a dream...I will miss you all. Wish me luck.

Once again, La Cienega smiles and says see you around.

My Teams

2005-08-05T14:14:00.000-05:00

Team Grits, not Team Oatmeal
Team Aniston, not Team Jolie (I just switched...Vanity Fair)
Team USA, not Team USSR (just watch Miracle) well that is dumb...USA for life.
Team mac, not Team PC (just switched that too)
Team Coffee, not Team Tea (on occassion) or Latte or Cappuccino
Team Peppermint, fuck Team Cinnamon
Team Cingular, Team Sprint is going down
Team Road Trip, not Team JetSet
Team Coffee, Bean & Tea, not Team Starbucks (first job, fired at 16)
Team One Tree Hill, not Team O.C.
Team Laguna Beach, not Team O.C.
Team Rachael B, not Team Mischa B
Team Monica, not Team Rachael
Team MK, not Team Ashley
Team Paris, not Team Nicole
Team Alcohol, not Team Precious Dank Valley Bud
Team East Coast, temp Team West Coast

Just some advice, watermelon and coffee for breakfast does not a happy stomach make.

Me Love Los Feliz

2005-08-03T15:49:00.000-05:00

Last week, we ventured beyond our West Hollywood confines and discovered the land of Los Feliz. We met at the Electric Lotus for Indian food (Princess Jax and myself and her 2 friends) Asians don't like Indian food. Curry sucks. Hot spices kill me. Somehow, that gene bypassed my little ass. So after I had my foam beer and ate from various bowls with my hands (think: Along Came Polly...ethnic food...diarreah) Because that was me. The cramping started in waves...then came on like a typhoon. I thought I was going to shit rings of fire!

The next stop was the Dresden because we had to do the "Swingers" thing. I quickley became OBSESSED with the piano player. She was the creepiest thing I have ever laid eyes on. She was a short woman, dwarf like, with long skinny extremities. She resembled a tree trunk with baby limbs sprouting from it. Her face was powder white with brick colored blush, Nasty orange/red lipstick and black wirey hair with random bobby pins throughout and a weird little witch dress with blue flowers. I was crazy obsessed, watching her like CNN. It was like a morbid curiosity, much like a trainwreck. You know it is going to be bloody, gruesome, and you will see disturbing scenes but you have to look anyway. That is how I was looking at this ultra goth piano player.

We left and went to another bar, which I LOVED LOVED LOVED. We stayed there all night and I was so buzzed off Stella that I could barely see straight. I went on to smuggle miniature chocolate donuts and watched a fucked up MTV cartoon "Wonder Showzen." Los Feliz, oh how I love thee.

Scorpion Queen

2005-08-03T15:37:00.000-05:00

Scorpion Queen
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Why is it that when I drink, I feel the most creative? I guess the Vanilla Vodka gets my creative juices flowing, because after we had our dinner party all of us were full and content, and sleepy. One roll of aluminum foil revived the group and we partied on. Not sure why I had snake things from my boobs, obviously that was the work of someone else. If it were up to me I would have had cone tits like Madonna on her Blonde Ambition Tour. That's just my personal preference.

Aluminum Foil Family Foto

2005-08-03T15:31:00.000-05:00

Aluminum Foil Family Foto
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

So I says to El Lay, I says, "How much of this foil you got?" She says to me, she says," A lot...Why?"

Another 6ft. Asian

2005-07-28T02:35:00.000-05:00

Another 6ft. Asian
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

Is there a resemblence? Can you tell who is older? Can you tell who is wiser? Can you tell who drinks the most? Can you tell which one had sex last?

Cab ride/Photo Shoot

2005-07-28T02:33:00.000-05:00

Turn the radio down a bit...(smoking cigarettes...)
Would you be so kind
To stop at a station
I see the sign
Cause you need some air (oh oh oh oh yeah)
Mister can you take me there.
You can keep the DUB
All I ask of you is...

Taxi...take me to his home.
I wanna give him all of me cause I'm alone

And I know he's watching the time yeah
Told him I would make it
Just get me there safe (get me there safe)

Cab ride/Photo Shoot
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

ANTS ATTACK!

2005-07-28T01:12:00.000-05:00

So you could say there was a bit of an ant problem. There was a ant population that erupted in El Lays bathroom. Everyday around 2pm, they did their little cadence and then they had free time to play hide-n seek or whatever. Eventually, they had made the bathroom a very popular spot. Think "Babylon" in "Queer as Folk" and the ants in hot pants and glow sticks. So, the ants have gathered around the "baths" and that was not pleasant for me because in People World, we call it a toilet. I have butt smashed a couple ants here and there...but as I was taking care of some business (the kind were you read Hollywood Trash Mags) I felt a sharp stinging sensation on my hoo-ha. I slapped myself so fucking hard I almost fell off the toilet. A fucking little faggot ant bit me in my VAGINAL REGION. Okay, I says to myself, THIS HAS GOT TO FUCKING STOP. I am shutting down the Gay Ant Club FOREVER. The day before I closed the club, they came pouring in through the sink by the hundreds. They wanted to have one last party. It was insane, I am not sure what ant leaked the closing of Babylon, but I have a hunch it was Pierre. Anyway, like I was saying, they were pouring in by the hundreds, at the time we were under-staffed. El Lay, which was head of security had to call for back-up. After a 30 minute riot control, many ants parished and Babylon closed its doors forever.

The Menu

2005-07-28T00:52:00.000-05:00

We pretty much eat dinner at home every night. Sometimes it is just the girls, but most of the time we have this big feast that makes the house kinda like an Olive Garden commercial, which is quite fun. Just in case you want to stop by and have dinner with family, I will post what we will be having on the menu.

Breakfast

Monday: Egg Beaters and Toast and coffee
Tuesday: Egg Beaters and Toast and coffee
Wednesday: Egg Beaters and Toast and coffee
Thursday: Egg Beaters and Toast and coffee
Friday: Egg Beaters and Toast and coffee
Saturday: Egg Beaters and Toast and coffee
Sunday: We go to Norm's for breakfast

Items on menu served with Grape Jelly and Spray Butter

WE DO NOT SERVE LUNCH...EVERYONE FENDS FOR THEMSELVES

Dinner

Monday: Raspberry Chicken and Salad
Tuesday: Coconut Chicken and Salad
Wednesday: Barbeque Chicken and Salad
Thursday: Pot Roast and Mashed Pots
Friday: Mushroom Chicken and Salad
Saturday: Chicken Stroganoff and Salad
Sunday: Italian Chicken and Salad

Salad comes with optional olives and pears
Sauteed Mushrooms served nightly

SWF

2005-07-28T00:16:00.000-05:00

So as I am camping out at El Lay and Princess Jax's pad, I do a little searching around for my own pad. I want to stay in the same area, it is my favorite part of town. However, I get this bright idea that I want to move in with someone, maybe an actress or someone that already has a place, but needs a roomie. So as I search Craigslist, I come across this seemingly awesome potential roomie. Keep in mind, we watched Single White Female the other night. Not to mention the fact that there has been a couple roommates and friends that have become...well that is neither here nor there. I digress. El Lay and I pull into what I think is the Palazzo, but as I am talking to "SWF", I quickly realize the directions keep guiding us into the apartments BEHIND the Palazzo. Fuuuuuuuuuck. If anyone is familiar with Chapel Hill, then these places resemble Morrison or whatever college dorm you want to visualize. Out front stands a girl that looks like the young Blossum (Mayim Blalik), just without that hat with the fucking sunflower on it. From the moment I got out of the car, she was 2 inches behind me the entire time I went to check out the place. She asked me a gabillion questions about what I do and what my schedule is. The apartment had no washer/dryer, a weird little kitchen, no air condition, half a closet, a mini pantry, and no personality. Hmm, no. After I told her I didn't think I was going to be able to live there she asked me if I had a boyfriend, and it was the way she asked me that freaked me out. I was thinking to myself, yes I do, and I am going to keep him safe and sound in Philly where there is no possibility of you killing him with a stilleto pump. Needles to say El Lay and I hauled ass and I will not be living with the SWF in the college dorms.

Still deciding...

2005-07-24T19:38:00.000-05:00

I am still debating whether or not I am staying or going. So I have been standing still and waiting for signs, waiting for something to base a good decision on. The way I look at it is that I am already out here, so why not stay and make it work. My other argument is that I can always go to Charleston and start this job, then come back. I know that chances of me coming back are slim. It is now or never, and I always wanted to live here, so why not do it? But then again, I have certain goals for myself, and this job is a path I need to take.

Heads Carolina, Tails California- Jodee Messina

Baby, what do you say we just get lost?
Leave this one horse town like two rebels without a cause.
I got people in Boston.
Ain't your daddy still in Des Moines?
We can pack up tomorrow.
Tonight, let's flip a coin

Heads, Carolina Tails, California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where? It don't matter, as long as we're goin'
Somewhere together. I've got a quarter.
Heads, Carolina Tails, California.

We can load what we own in the back of a U-haul van.
Couple modern day Moses', searchin for the promised land.
We can go four hundred miles before we stop for gas.
We can drive for a day, and then we'll take a look at the map.

Heads, Carolina Tails, California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where? It don't matter, as long as we're goin'
Somewhere together. I've got a quarter.
Heads, Carolina Tails, California.

We're gonna get outta here if we gotta ride a Greyhound bus.
Boy, we're bound to outrun the bad luck that's tailin' us

Heads, Carolina Tails, California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where? It don't matter, as long as we're goin'
Somewhere together. I've got a quarter.
Heads, Carolina Tails, California.

O---oh, California! Carolina! California!

Rasta Documentary

2005-07-24T15:24:00.000-05:00

Rastafarianism : a religious-cultural movement that began (1930s) in Jamaica. Rastafarians believe that Haile Selassie, also named Ras Tafari, the last emperor of Ethiopia (d. 1975), is the Messiah. They tend to reject European culture and ideas and are particularly noted for their use of marijuana. Reggae music is heavily influenced by Rastafarianism. There are some 180,000 Rastafarians worldwide.

Princess Jax and I are over at the Boys' house watching this documentary. We are im'ing back and forth as to not disturb the Educational Sunday Feature. Our convo:

PJ:huh?
PQ:uh
PQ:yeah
PQ:carlos santana
PQ:sounds like the upper hipness tribal tunes of upper niger region
or something
PQ:who is this reggae master
PJ:nice shirt
PQ:he is hot
PJ:you think?
PQ:he has a baby with laura dern
PJ:chocolate hotness
PQ:the whitest female in the entertainment world
PJ:eyebrows
PQ:whose eyebrows
PM:that guy
PQ:and i had no idea this house loved reggae so much
PQ:i can barely understand this doc
PM:you need your translator
PQ:where are all the rasta flags
the incense
i am so sleepy now
i feel like i am watching charlie and the chocolate factory
PJ:it's the music... you are jammin
PQ:i will be jammin wit you
PJ:we are going to get detention
PQ:shhh
PJ:asians love raggae
PQ:apparantly
the coconut monk
PJ:hump back monk
i see the correlation... monk=no sex, hump=no sex
ride the hump
PQ:me ride the sleep train
PQ:this doc sucks
when is it over
is this the LA thing to do today
PJ:it's interesting
lsd... am i shocked
PQ: sit in a room with macs and musicians and watch the history of reggae with a bentley in the drive way
my god
PJ:hmmm...
hump back monks
PQ:feel the love take the acid
PJ:listen to the bells
rasta

I shot the sheriff is about birth control. "Every time I plant a seed,
He said kill it before it grow -
He said kill them before they grow.
And so"

Yeah, this documentary is cracking me up.

Shimmer

2005-07-21T02:07:00.000-05:00

That seems to be the word of the week. It has been popping up all over the place. I hear songs about it, I hear people use that word many times. Even today, when El Lay, Hot Rocker, and me were at the mall...he said the sweetest thing in the geriatric food court for the mentally ill. He said, " Even in a crowded mall you two shimmer." Then I bit a a piece of HotRocker's pizza and he had a mild caniption about teeth prints and then the moment lost its shimmer.

On top of that, when we walked in the house, a song called, "Shimmer" was playing.

That shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S

"Shimmer" - Fuel

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
And she can take me for a while
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend
We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again
She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterfliess, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools that fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend
We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away....
Guess I'll let it go

So when I heard the song, I looked up the lyrics and I started to get sad. I was sad because I thought of him. It was bittersweet.

My new favorite spot

2005-07-21T01:37:00.000-05:00

Every 'hood you live in has them, your local watering hole. Everyone needs their Cheers, you know, where everybody knows your name. Well my new spot is a block to where I live, and they play the worst movies of all time on the big screen. The other night was "Time Travelers." The music is great... starts out with 70's and as the evening progresses it becomes 80's right as the height of drunkeness takes over, and then by closing time when everyine thinks they can dance, they play in da club shit. Although it is a trendy, hipster scene, I LOVE IT. However, I hate this one frequent flyer, we shall call her Tina. Because she looks like a Tina, and most Tina's are annoying. Tina sucks, and she is in the crossover from Express to 80's retro Euro trash. Oh my eyes! Tina has a friend named the "mirror looker" annoyed the crap out of me so much that we made a game after her. When she would look at herself in any mirror, we would drink. That game lasted about 3 minutes.

My housemates smoke the precious dank valley bud, and Princess Jax just came in, sat on the bed and whispered, "Corn pops, yo...but there is Total and Cheerios in there, and I will tell you this...Cheerios taste better with chocolate syrup on them.

So then we all come home and passed out. After we made pot roast salad and popcorn. Why do I want corn pops now? I feel the Party Panther marking a new territory.

Torn

2005-07-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

Well after I gave my last job the double fingered bird, I had nothing on my plate. I came to LA, and they literally handed me a job off the plane. This morning I got a phone call saying that I have been offered the job of all jobs in Charleston, SC. So are my days numbered here? I love it here, but do you really turn down the most Poopster Job of all Jobs? We shall see. Back to the sticky east coast? Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I have to decide between two pairs of shoes that both fit me "oh so well" and looks good with eveything.

A Day at the Santa Monica Pier

2005-07-18T02:06:00.000-05:00

One Jeep, one convertible, one camera, three games of ski ball, two rounds of tight rope races, one throw something at a cat, two photo booths, a pitcher of margaritas, and a bunch of running around, and seventy fucked up pictures of narcissistic perfectionists and then you have a full day at the Pier.

Gay Stetson Ad

2005-07-18T01:13:00.000-05:00

Gay Stetson Ad
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

They can sing, they can play guitar, they are sexy, and they have a sense of humor. I love them.

Soy Soldiers

2005-07-18T01:04:00.000-05:00

Soy Soldiers
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

We went back to our Asian roots... We are also wearing socks and flip flops.

Sexy Dolphin

2005-07-18T01:02:00.000-05:00

Sexy Dolphin
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

So as we were leaving the Pier, we saw this dolphin, and we couldn't resist.

What type of glasses...

2005-07-18T01:00:00.000-05:00

What type of glasses...
Originally uploaded by MeanPromQueen.

...describe your personality?

I converted

2005-07-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

I am now a MAC user. I never thought I would say that. I hated them in colllege, but I love them now. However, I highly disagree with the price, because for the bargain price of my PowerBook, I now have only one arm and one leg. They say that my black rimmed glasses will be coming in the mail soon, along with a complimentary double espresso ticket to Starbucks.

First Night Out

2005-07-17T20:41:00.000-05:00

I spent my first days here finding a job. Got one, now I can celebrate. I went out on the town with SuperCouple El Lay, and Princess Jax. We started at the Grove, and I actually ran into my ex's sister, Nina. Holy shit, Nina is the coolest person on the planet, at one time I actually made bracelets that said WWND. "What would Nina Do?"

Then we ran off and continued drinking beer with Josh and Topher, funny thing is that I came all the way here to hang out with people I already hung out with in NC. Everything is fun and fine, then I get a phone call from TD&H, and stay on the phone with him outside for most of the evening becoming more upset with him by the minute. He left for Philly to spend some time with his best friend, and I supported that, I didn't mind at all. I miss him, but I can handle the distance. Tables turned when I moved to LA. All of a sudden he thinks we won't be able to work. That I am going to change or cheat on him and blah blah blah. Pretty much made me the saddest girl in the bar. I tried to explain that I will be back in a couple months and we will move to Chalreston together or something. He just ended the conversation with, do whatever you need to do in LA and I will talk to you in the morning. I began to drink, heavily. Because at this point I wasn't sure if I had a boyfriend or if I was single.

I ended up drinking and dancing the night away with the funniest sitcom stars on the planet. They did this Mariah Carey joke on me that had everyone in stitches. Gullable or not, these guys are actors. That means that there is no possible way to tell what is real. Put it this way, it is kind of like getting in a snowball fight with the baseball team. You're gonna lose. Or in my case, I was duped.

Goddamn I hate Flying

2005-07-14T10:24:00.000-05:00

Once again, everytime I get on a plane I really look at my life like it will be my last moments on earth. I hate flying so much, that the day before I flew to LA, I could not leave the house because of chronic butt soup. However, I made it, the trip was a success. I did not die.

While I was on the plane, the man behind me emitted the worst odors every 4 minutes for the entire movie. I began to wonder if it was a colostomy bag. Gross. Also, the entire flight was filled with Asians. Some looked like Cambodian refugees, and the others looked like Tokyo Techies. The Tokyo Tech beside of me, loved Cheers. I mean, LOVED Cheers. I could barely sleep because everytime Sam Malone spoke the guy was all over the place tickled with laughter. It amused me and annoyed me.

When I arrived at LAX, Trotter picks me up in this awesome silver cavalier. We drove all over town, while he got us lost, and I picked the coolest Latino R&B stations. The amount of joy that washed over me when I got off the plane and into that piece of shit was off the charts. Because I will always feel better behind the wheel of a car in LA traffic riding shot-gun with the worst driver on the planet than I will in a Boeing 747.

Been Busy or Whatever

2005-07-13T13:06:00.000-05:00

Been a little while since I have last posted. So let me fast track this. Well the 4th was pretty much the longest weekend ever. There were times that I was not sure if I would die before it ended. I realized I needed to stop drinking that weekend after the strip slip n slide on Masonboro, but not before high-tide came in and all the boats that were beached were now floating. I knew things were about to get serious when we had to swim long distance to get back on board. Not to mention I almost fell out of the boat and died, funny now...serious then.

Next, I went to Myrtle Beach. I had an ex-boyfriend there and we met for sushi and a roller coaster ride. The next day we went to watch his daughters dance competition thing. It was great fun, I love his daughters and we all had an awesome time. Then his ex-wife walked in and I felt like a young, naive, loser, air headed, reject. I got over that, and then I went to eat at a buffet. Yes, a fucking buffet. I walked with a plate...to get food...in a line...of very over weight South Carolinians. Mmm.

On to Charleston to meet up with one of my girlfriends from college. Her group of friends make my Party Cats look like a herd of 3rd graders. I have named them Party Godzilla, Party King Kong, and Party Mothra because they cause entire citied to crumble when they go out. I realized I had to stop drinking when I was naked in the community pool with orange arm floaties.

That pretty much brings things up to date. Besides the on going battle with the ugly step-sisters, I have been holding it down and keeping it real.

My Check-Up

2005-06-29T17:27:00.000-05:00

Sho I went to the dentisht today. I have thish problem area located in my upper jaw. It really hurtshs when cold water ish shprayed on it. After they picked me up off the floor, and gathered all their dental tools, they shaid the bleeding should subside and the shwelling will eventchually go down.

The Ghetto Mascarade Ball

2005-06-28T15:44:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, we attended a Mascarade Ball. When I think of Mascarades, I think of elaborate costumes, beautiful masks, big hair, and 17th century dress (think Vanity Fair). Not so much. This Mascarade ball with primarily filled with retired Prom Dresses and Formal Dresses. Most people looked like they stepped out of 'Teen Magazine Prom Edition. Not claiming that I was any better, however, I also wore my prom dress. Keep in mind, amongst all the underagers and freshly twenty one year olds, mine was considered vintage. HAHAHA. All in all, it was fun, add a little champagne, feathered masks, a belly dancer, a fire show and an ice louge cock rocket...And you have a party.

2005-06-28T15:38:00.000-05:00

Happy PromQueen and her date.

2005-06-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

The girl that made me take thirty pictures of her and her mask.

2005-06-28T15:36:00.000-05:00

The Cock Rocket

2005-06-28T15:35:00.000-05:00

Prom 2001 or Mascarade Ball?

Jessyface, MeanPromQueen, and a Drug Store

2005-06-28T15:16:00.000-05:00

While I was visiting Jessyface I encountered a minor problem. I had to go to the drug store for a particular ointment. NO, IT WAS NOT VAGINAL. While we were at the drug store, we are looking for this particular ointment, and they were out. Jessyface, sighs and yells in a not-an-inside voice, “Oh my god, they are out of it.” She stomps over to the pharmacist, asks where the next drug store is located in her most urgent house-on-fire voice, looks at me, and tells me that we are not going home without this ointment. I am standing there looking like I deer in headlights doing the mouth whisper to the other customers “It’s not that serious, really…not s e r i o u s.”

I am standing there looking at the competing brands, wondering if I should buy one of those. Jessyface and the pharmacist disappear. All of a sudden from the next aisle over, I hear her say, “I found one, it’s the last one…AND IT IS ON SALE!” Oh my, can we try to be a little discrete? I pay for the ointment and get the FUCK out of the store. Next time I have a particular problem, and I need a particular ointment, I am not going to the drug store with a particular friend.

Being Surprised, Twice

2005-06-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

TD&H has the most beautiful curls. The type of curly hair that is beautiful out of the shower, after sex, in the morning, playing pool…whenever. I often dream about touching his body and running my hands through his hair. I dream about this often because he has taken a vacation to Philly for the past 3 weeks.

He surprised me with a phone call saying that he was in town. He wanted to meet me at the Post later that night. I had to attend a “Farewell Party” with the Party Cats, or what I like to call a “Good riddance, fuck off and die, glad to be rid of you Party”. All I could think about was running off to see TD&H, but I had no idea he was going to be in town and I had already made prior plans. So there I was, drinking all the champagne on the VIP floor at the twist, putting bottles on Mr. Chi Phi’s Tab. (It was his Farewell Party)

Around 1:30am, we finally go to the Post for last call and to party with TD&H. The Party Cats mingle and chitchat and I immediately scour the room looking for him. Party Liger tells me he is over by the bar, but I cannot find him. I look and I look, I try not to look so disinterested in what everyone was saying, but the truth was all I wanted to do was find TD&H, it has been a while and I was dying to see him. I start to panic. My mind starts to wonder. Did he leave early? Did he go home with someone else? Did he stand me up? Was he mad that I did not get there until last call? I frantically ask again, where he was, as I begin to sweat in fear. Party Liger says again, he is RIGHT there in front of you. Huh? How can that be? So finally, I see him about three feet in front of me. Why I had not recognized him, you ask. HE HAD A FUCKING MOHAWK, that is why. Not the kind that stands straight up with hot pink tips, but the traditional Native American kind. We finally locked eyes then locked lips. We caught up, kissed, laughed and never left each other’s side the rest of the night. Back at my place, I was sexed by a guy with a Mohawk for the first time, and a second time. Then a third.

Looking back on that night, I am sure he thought it was funny that he was able to watch me frantically try to find him around the bar. I can just see him smiling at me and when I would look his way, he would turn his head. Doin’ the damn thing.

Move it Blondie

2005-06-24T16:49:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of signature moves when I drink. I like to degrade college boys then get their numbers, shout obscenities so I can offend people, and I like to push girls over. Why I like to do these things, is beyond me. The bar that we were in was slammed, you could barely move your arms which makes it harder to drink. So going from point A to point B resembles a football play. A couple tuck and rolls, some fakeouts, dips and so on. So during my journey from the bathroom to the bar I pretty much squeeze my way between people and constantly say "excuse me, pardon me, sorry, let me slide by you..." Then I get drunk and I can no longer graciously slide by people, and also my patience is worn thin. I was almost at the bar and a little blonde girl was standing in the way. I politely ask her to excuse me, and she just shifts her weight from one leg to another. THIS pisses me off. So I push her over and yell ,"OR I CAN MOVE YOU MYSELF." I love pushing little blonde bitches over, if they made a video game based on that, I would play it all day long.

Convo With Jane

2005-06-20T12:07:00.000-05:00

Jane is in Budapest. We chat over MSN, she has her own blog called The Misadventures of Monkeybutt.

Our convo today, thus far.

Jane says:
would you believe beer is cheaper than water
Jane says:
or coffee
MeanPromQueen says:
yeah, i can
MeanPromQueen says:
coffee and beer
Jane says:
i've become the jagermeister queen here among the hot brit boys i hang out with
MeanPromQueen says:
which is better?
Jane says:
they are both good
MeanPromQueen says:
depends on the day
MeanPromQueen says:
i love brits
Jane says:
the framboise isnt as good as the stuff you turned me onto though
MeanPromQueen says:
love love love them and their uncircumsizedness and their crooked teeth
MeanPromQueen says:
what
MeanPromQueen says:
why
MeanPromQueen says:
framboise is the shit, why does it taste different
Jane says:
spent the first week looking for it
Jane says:
isnt the lindemans
Jane says:
some other shit, isnt as good
Jane says:
but they have their own version of jag- called unicum
Jane says:
uniyummy
MeanPromQueen says:
unicum
MeanPromQueen says:
that is the best name on the planet
Jane says:
LOL
Jane says:
it feels real good
MeanPromQueen says:
so what does it taste like?
Jane says:
kinda like cumming
Jane says:
hahaha
Jane says:
like jager
MeanPromQueen says:
well Jager tastes like cum to me

I LOVE THIS GIRL

2005-06-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

This is a post by Aly (x-kisses-x):

ode to the slutty friend

So we all know about the Fat friend and the Rich friend, but we often forget the Slutty friend.The Fat friend is there to make us look good and the Rich friend is there to buy us wicked shit.But what about the Slutty friend you may ask? Well they have many roles. For example, they can make and break your love life. For example: You're at the bar, with your fat friend, your rich friend and your slutty friend. You're getting creeped on by some creep, what do you do? Well obviously you send him over to the slutty friend, who will take him off your hands, problem solved. So it's easy to see without the slutty friend, you're going to get creeped on. But here's another scenario. You're at the same bar, and some hot sexy hunk is hitting on you. And you're just stoked to get some action. But guess who comes waltzing up? None other than the slutty friend. And now you're just right pissed off because the hot sexy hunk is now giving all his attention to the slutty friend. Why did he ditch you for her you're wondering? Because she's a slut. But the truth is what would we do without the slutty friend? Because it ends up that the hot sexy hunk from the bar had STD's. So we owe a lot to the slutty friend. So now you're probably wondering "how do i know if my friend is a slutty friend?"

Well here's some pointers:
1. She hooks up with all your ex's
2. Half the time her tits are hanging out of her shirt
3. She never had a relationship where she hasn't cheated on her boyfriend
4. She ditches you for a guy... any guy.
5. She's just a flat out dirty whore.I hope everyone who reads this has a new found love for their slutty friend, because seriously, without them, we'd be the ones with STD's, not them.

We all have them, but we are all better off without them. I am glad I am without a particular slutty friend.

Land of the Formerly Cool

2005-06-18T11:22:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while you meet someone that exhumes very high confidence, but you can't understand why, because they are obviously annoying and dorky and get on your nerves in a bad way. Well "this guy" that bites my ass is Mr. Chi Phi. He reminds me of that Friends episode where Monica gets a date with the coolest guy in high school and she finds out that he still hangs out with all his old friends, go to the same place on Friday nights and still has the same job at the movie theatre. That is the life of Mr. Chi Phi, still hangs out with his "brothers" at the beach, still talking about the same keggers and formals, and thinks he rules the Twist. Mr. Chi Phi will not leave me alone, for some reason I think he thinks that there is no way that the former President of Chi Phi is being rejected by the PromQueen.

We went out for martinis one night, and I had an ear full of "how cool" Mr. Chi Phi is/was. During a siparoo of my martini, in the midst of his babbling he says, " so I was totally stoked that you were into me..." After pieces of olives came through my nose, I tell him very clearly, "but I am not interested in you." Doesn't register. To him. At all.

So this is what happens to people that belong in the Land of the Formerly Cool. They just idle. They don't necessarily climb the social ladder and they don't necessarily fall off. They are almost like ghosts, they don't really know that their time has past and they constantly bother the shit out of the rest of the people on Earth. Is it possible to exorcise Formerly Cools?

Just an Observation

2005-06-17T19:59:00.000-05:00

On the drive back from Greenville, I saw many types of mobile homes. The mobile homes that I hate the most are the ones that belong to a trailer park. A trailer park named " Poplar Oaks" or "Pleasant Grove". The trailers that are aluminum and are starting to rust on the outside, especially near the doors and windows. The windows are the diamond shaped windows, or actually tilted squares. They also have milk crates as the porch and a one-sided old pipe hand rail. Oh, and I cannot forget the mailboxes that are lined-up side by side, about twenty in a row, with one falling off on a 2x4. Oh, and the brand fifteen color new wind sock they got from Wings, when they took their yearly trip to Myrtle Beach.

Party Jag, My Comatose Retarded Roommate

2005-06-12T22:31:00.000-05:00

So the story begins with a phone call at 3am, "PromQueen I am about to hang out with the Killers, yes the band! Get down here. Click. So I don't hear from her until the next day. That really has nothing to do with the concussion, I just wanted to add that part for spice. So, I guess the real story begins with this phone call at 4pm, "PromQueen, I was drinking and I fell out of a golf cart..."(Now that was really all I needed to hear, but I will fill you guys in) Party Jag a.k.a. Dumbass went to Myrtle Beach to be a Crazy Horse Caddy Girl (yes, this is a strip club and no she is not a stripper) and they were having a Crazy Horse golf chase in search of the beer cart. She decides at 13 m.p.h. to Fred Flintstone it and help out the cart with her super fast Olympic athlete legs and foot peddle along the golf cart to gain more speed. That is exactly how she explained it to me. When her dumbass foot came in contact with the ground it catapulted her out of the cart and on to the pavement. She was out for about 2 minutes with grass and bubbled saliva on the side of her cheek. They released her from the rest of the tournament with a concussion and sent her home. She was not allowed to go to sleep, for risk that she may slip into a coma. I had great joy in waking her up every 15 minutes. She is still a little dumb today, but when she runs into things I just reset her path and send her on her way. Instead of "get well" cards, please send "you are a dumbass" cards. Thank You.

It's Official

2005-06-09T12:55:00.000-05:00

The Party Cats need to be neutered. What the fuck is in the goddamn saucers of milk, or is it the cat nip?

Memorial Day Weekend

2005-06-01T12:26:00.000-05:00

So the weekend was perfect, the Port City was blessed with great weather. I skip out on the beach and the boat on Friday and Saturday and only go on Sunday. I just could not deal, especially with 30,000 extra people here for the weekend. I go to my ex ex's house to get everybody up and at 'em. There are people everywhere, in every room, so funny. I remember those days. The house smells like seafood because apparently they had a steam pot dinner last night that could have fed and entire football team. I find my ex ex in the living room with a Puerto Rican Aussie that could barely be 21. The only thing worse than an ex girlfriend walking in the house, is a cool ex girlfriend walking in the house. No one was safe, I turn on the music as loud as it goes (Stereo equipment that is better than most clubs) start making breakfast, run around the house with DramaQueen beating the shit out of hungover party people. My ex ex's nightly hook-up left minutes after. So fucking funny, I think she literally ran out of the house.

Anyway, we went on the boat all day, tons of boats, babes, boobs, and booze. I gave the Party Cat call: Who am I? Who are you? Who are we? Where are we? Since I am not the girlfriend anymore, I was informed that no PromQueen rules apply on the boat. Fair is fair, and I am a bitch. So yes I kicked off the sloots, told the big girls what not to wear, and slapped the shit out of sun burned people. Laughed my ass off, then took my 2 hour nap. We went out later that night and I showed my ass. Literally, I showed my ass.

Nothing else about that night was real significant, just my regular shenanigans, until I got a hold of the bottles of champagne. When I hang out with the ex, there is no limit on what I can or cannot do or have....so since the glasses of champagne didn't get me drunk enough, I figured drinking straight from the bottle would do the trick.

Later that night, I somehow started toting around my beach bag, because obviously I thought I was going to the beach later. We walk into one more bar, and I slipped and fell in a huge pile of pink chunky puke. I freak out. I have puke up my ass, all over my dress, up and down my arms and legs. I go to the bathroom and strip down. Throw away my new hotness dress and my thongs in the trash can. I would never have been able to wear that dress again without thinking I smell vomit, nor would I think of putting that in my washing machine or actually taking it to the dry cleaners. Naturally I put on my bathing suit and finish the night in my bathing suit and high heels. It was a bit of a laugh, but anyone that has partied with me would expect no less.

The next morning, when I was sober...I woke up and had nothing to wear to breakfast but my bathing suit. Clearly, this would not do, I find whatever was in the car that picked me up from whatever after party I went to. I went to Hecht's with a tee shirt as a skirt, a jacket with the owner's thongs in the pocket, her 2 sizes too small platform flip flops. Walking fashion victim. Actually, it is what it is and I was a shack attack. I used to see a lot of them in college, and I used to be one once in a while. Party Panther Out.

My Penitentiary Penpal

2005-06-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

Nevermind how I got the penpal, sources will remain unknown. However, I do have to share my letter with the web. Written verbatim.

S
T
E
P
H

Hey how are you? What's good, not much here bit me chillin everday trying to do something constructive. Well I know that you don't even know me and I know it seems sort of weird bit I'm really a good guy and I'm trying to get to know you. Well I'm not from here I'm from 117th Brooklyn New York and I moved here like 2 1/2 years ago and I was staying in Burlington, NC when I got in trouble. Well my name is Jay short for James and I'm no killer or anything I just violated probabtion by selling drugs. Well I'm very tall about 6 feet 5 and I'm light skin with hazel eyes and I'm most likely 100% sure that you will like me. I'm no dumb guy and yes I finished high school and could have went to college to play basketball but I chose to curse when I right raps and go to the studio. I'm not a rich person but I do have some money and all my lady friends go it bad, closet full of Pradi bags and I keep they nails done because I love to see young lady's smile. I'm 20 yrs old and I don't know If that's a little too young for you but age should not make a difference. From me to you I wouldn't mind having you as a pen pal because from the looks of things I know you are a good person. I'm come home next month and I'm going to the beach and if things go right between me and you we well be chillin together and going to the studios where you find all types of people. Well my nigga Gatty seems like a pretty good nigga so I know that you're a good female. I also wonder to myself what type of things you do for hobby's. I like to go to basketball games, rap, drink a little bit, shop, and take my lady friends to the park and push them on a swing. Also, I like the movies and my favorite food is pizza. So me I'm hoping that maybe you're not involved with someone so maybe we could go to the Philippines and shop. Whatever the case may'be just holla back at me and tell me a little about yourself.

Jnice

I love to go to the parks and get pushed on a swing when I wear my pradi bag while listening to raps on my way to the studio after getting back from a trip to the Philippines.

Nemo is now Party Stray

2005-05-31T19:53:00.000-05:00

First off, Nemo is mega pissed because all the cat names are taken. So that is why she gets Party Stray. She became an official cat the night that we went to the cabaret and then drank champagne on the 3rd floor. Cheetah and I literally pounce Nemo and try to make out with her. We find this extremely amusing because she is the biggest prude on the planet. I really thought she was going to pass out when I told her, Cheetah and Tall Dark and Handsome to triple kiss. She failed miserably, I had to take her place. By the end of the night we were taking pictures like they were Candies ads. We turned this mutha out.

2005-05-31T19:50:00.000-05:00

Riding the Sex Train. Nemo is officially turned out...And yes I have already spoken to TD&H about that damn hat.

2005-05-31T19:47:00.000-05:00

Nemo is getting turned out by Cheetah

2005-05-31T19:45:00.000-05:00

Nemo sucking my lip,

I Smell a Rat

2005-05-30T17:30:00.000-05:00

So for a couple days we have smelled a mysterious odor emerging from our stairs. Last week was a little drunken and busted so naturally we thought someone either spilled beer or threw up on the stairs. As days go by, the smell begins to be more apparent, overwhelming at times. My roommate forms the theory that the stairway was tainted with sex. This scares me because last week I had sex on every stair all the way up to my room. There was no way our sex smelled like that, besides my room would smell like total ass if that was the case. Finally, after we clean the carpets, get pet deodorizer, steam the carpet...The smell is still there. I call my father the hero, and describe the odor and what not. He then tells me that a rat has died in the walls and all we can do is wait it out. The worst is over, so only a couple more weeks of nasty rat ass.

PromQueen Visits Jessyface Part II

2005-05-23T11:59:00.000-05:00

I needed to clear my head and refocus on what I am doing in life. Yeah, I had one of those "what does it all mean" days. Had a feeling Jess was off work and I hauled ass to Raleigh. To start my therapy, I began at a little boutique called Rouge where everything was excessive and overpriced, but super hip. I fell in love with almost everything, but only left with one thing. I purchased the most amazing shirt EVER. Well, at least till I find a new one. The shirt fits much like a sleevles smock, open in the back with a twist and many different fabrics and a sequined collar. I know it sounds like I bought the most unflattering shirt ever, but...it is fantastic. Then I finish with the standard mani-pedi. The funny thing is that I walked into this ultra chic spa and tried to get an appointment for a mani-pedi, and they were booked all day long (huge shock). So the little nazi-receptionist said that I could go to the mall and get one. OH MY NO! I said in my most Alicia Silverstone voice, "Gross, as if..." I was so offended that she would actually think I would go to the mall to get these services. So you know what I did... I went to a strip mall and went to Exotic Nails with the buy 1 service, get the 2nd 50% off. Oh yes I did. Too good for the mall, but not for the Strip Mall. I have no logic. But Ling was a diamond in the rough. Pale rice skin, long silky black hair, busted teeth, broken English, but excellent skill with the file and nail polish.

So after I get my Starbucks fill, Jessyface and I get ready for dinner. We bought fake eyelashes, because that is my new thing, I cannot go out on the town without them. Hahahaha, tis true. We eat at a place called 5 Star in Raleigh, which by no means fits the atmosphere, but has the best Asian cuisine, I swear. I order a Tanqueray maritini dirty up, lightly shaken. Fifteen minutes later when they bring us our martinis the waitress sets down my drink and says well this is the best the bartender can do without olive juice. What? There were so many things wrong with that sentence, I could only stare at her in disbeleif that someone would order a dirty martini and get a drink handed to them and say that this was the best that they could do without the dirty! That is like ordering Chicken Parmesian, and just getting chicken. Were they high? I take a salt shaker and salt it down a tad. Anyway, we order appetizers and wait for Antwan and Kevin to arrive.

Antwan is Jessifaces gay bestfriend. Much like mine, he has cocoa skin and a smile to die for. We hit it off immediatly. Not sure if it was the hot slip dress I had on, or the picture of my boobs in the slip dress I had on my phone's screen saver. When our food comes we all dig in and have a great time laughing and drinking and eating...until my mouth becomes inflamed from hot chili peppers. My lips begin to swell and there is are slight beads of sweat forming over my upper lip. On the other side of the table, Jessyface is having the same problem with her food, though we had different entrees, they were both equally flaming fierce. We decide to switch, to see who had the hotter of the two dishes. When we made the switch neither of us were bothered by the peppers. Her food was not hot all, such a faker. She claims that mine was not hot either.

Then Antwan wants to have a bite of the shrimp appetizer thingies, and he takes his first bite as we all watch...his face begins to distort. His eyes begin to water and his mouth gapes open, he puts his fingers in his mouth and pulls out a mile long human hair. This hair was so long and durable that it was like he was pulling a trick hankercheif out his mouth like a clown. It was so goddamn funny and disgusting at the same time. I can't stop laughing as he holds the hair with the shrimp dangling from it over the middle of the table. Our table is literally screaming and laughing while Antwan sits disgusted and speechless. His food gets comped. And the kicker is that our stupid martinis were $12. Jesus. We finish dinner quickly after that and go to this underground dive bar with a hot bitch bartender on his first day. I forget his name, so I only call him hot bitch. We turn up the juke box and start a dance party in this underground bar with about 10 hipsters. We teach the hipsters how to booty dance and they teach us how to, well stand and be hip. We leave.

We go to RumRunners. Go to the bathroom. Stall One was the only functioning toilet sans toilet paper. Stall Two was clogged with what only a Janitor could identify. Stall Three was filled with one very drunk sorority freshman and 20 sorority sisters. We order draft beers with a side of fraternity boy. In the span of 20 minutes I get about a keg of beer spilled on me. That was enough for me, so we leave. We drive around and go to a gay bar. Not just any gay bar a thug gay bar. Yes, I will repeat. Thug Gay Bar. Gay Thugs, awesome. I mean big jeans, sideways caps, gold teeth, chains...and all that jazz. We get there just in time for the drag show. Pretty much the worst drag show on the planet. The lipsyncing was off by almost a second, the wigs were over-teased, and the costumes were from "To Wong Fu, Thanks for everything, Love Julie Newmar." I leave to sit in the car. While I am in the car on the phone, one of the homo thugs knock on the car door asking if he could use my phone. NOOOOOOOO, goddamn it, I am on it. Are you kidding me? Hit the bricks bitch. I pass out.

Jessyface drives us home, the catch is that she has no idea how to get home. She only lives maybe 5 minutes away, but that is irrelevant at the moment. Antwan tells us how to get home, which doesn't sound right to me, but who knows I am drunk. But when has " Just take this road all the way home" sound right. Never. That never works, ever. So we take this magic road that was supposed to take us all the home right to our driveway and find ourselves in the projects. Jessyface gets back on the phone with Antwan and she tries to describe our surroundings and read various ghetto street signs...lost as hell. I can't hold my pee anymore and I make her stop the car where we were with the risk of being kidnapped/raped/robbed because I had go soooooooooooo bad. So we drive all over hell and half of nowhere. We start to freak out, this is how the convo went:

Jessyface: (Screaming) Where the fuck are we, how do we get back on Glenwood, this does not look familiar...we are going to diiiieeeeee....
MPQ: Sweet goddamn get us out of the fucking ghetto right fucking NEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!
Jessyface: ANTWAN! Pay attention, we need to know where the fuck we are!!!!
Unidentified muffle: muflaksjalkjdioweoihrwhaiwnsjkbakl
Antwan: I need a 12pk chicken Mc Nuggets...a side salad...
MPQ and Jessyface: I cannot believe you are at McDonald's ordering food, we are lost and scared and been driving around for 30 minutes...WHAT THE FUCK, blah blah blah, and more bitching
Antwan: SHUT UP BITCHES...and a diet coke and some fries.
MPQ: Oh my fucking god, are you kidding me???

I pass out, an hour later we pull up to the house...I walk in and pass out again. The ride from hell is over. The only advice I have for Jessyface is " Fucking MapQuest Asshole."